Carly Simon supposedly wrote the song “You’re so Vain” (https://youtu.be/mQZmCJUSC6g) about record label head David Geffen. He, according to one article, promoted Joni Mitchell over Simon. It seems this song was her way to let off some steam and it was not about a conglomerate of lovers after all, as she had said for years when asked who HE was. When I was a kid I loved this song. The turn of phrase, “I bet you think this song is about you”!? Then the whole song IS about someone! Who is it about? It’s the best. It made my mind hurt in a good way. I guess it was my first experience of irony? I would think about it each time I heard the song. I loved the way milk did cloud coffee, I could just imagine it in my mind. My parents did not even drink coffee so it was just my mind creating this whole interesting story. The story brings you in and paints the picture. So why does this song pop into my mind today!? I had some coffee, and then I decided to paint around my coffee ring on my art journal and then this blog was born. I like writing these little musings and for sure I hope it might get some new folks in the door. There are a few spots in my practice so keep that in mind.
Also, I wanted to share, for the last few weeks (and my whole adult life) I have been thinking about boundaries. I help clients draw boundaries every day in session. There are so many ways to do this. Some of my clients are not clear about what a boundary is. Sometimes a boundary is internal. I think we all have to say "no" to the voices in our heads. I hope we can do this in a kind loving way. I think if Carly Simon was my client we could have explored her anger about being “chosen” over Joni. Maybe we could dig into the gratitude she had for the amount of fame she did have? Maybe there was fear of not being as successful as she had hoped. Ms. Simon had her reasons as we all do to sing a tale about hurt feelings. However, I wonder, how long is too long to keep focusing on these wounds? I have found it takes years in therapy to allow these wounds to subside, depending on how deep the hurt. The unresolved pain can certainly turn into anger. And as it is said anger is one letter short of danger.
Where does it get any of us when you keep talking about other people in therapy? It depends on how you do it, and for how long. Yes, I want to hear your story. I know the deep longing feelings of wanting my story to be heard! But-and...to what end? I hope if you have a skilled therapist they will turn you back toward yourself and help you see your part in the story. What can "we" do? What can we change and what must we work toward letting go of? The main thing is I hope over the months and years Carly could let go of this anger, because, so what if someone ELSE is vain? What does it mean to you? That is them, not you. The song is not about you. Look into the mirror without vanity and decide what you can change today. Look up the serenity prayer, write it down and focus on you. You are the only one you have! Write your own song.
“You walked into the party
Like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye in the mirror
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner
[Chorus]
You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?”
Thanks for reading and please pass along if you would like.
Bridget