“You’re so Vain”

Carly Simon supposedly wrote the song “You’re so Vain” (https://youtu.be/mQZmCJUSC6g) about record label head David Geffen. He, according to one article, promoted Joni Mitchell over Simon. It seems this song was her way to let off some steam and it was not about a conglomerate of lovers after all, as she had said for years when asked who HE was. When I was a kid I loved this song. The turn of phrase, “I bet you think this song is about you”!? Then the whole song IS about someone! Who is it about? It’s the best. It made my mind hurt in a good way. I guess it was my first experience of irony? I would think about it each time I heard the song. I loved the way milk did cloud coffee, I could just imagine it in my mind. My parents did not even drink coffee so it was just my mind creating this whole interesting story. The story brings you in and paints the picture. So why does this song pop into my mind today!? I had some coffee, and then I decided to paint around my coffee ring on my art journal and then this blog was born. I like writing these little musings and for sure I hope it might get some new folks in the door. There are a few spots in my practice so keep that in mind.

Also, I wanted to share, for the last few weeks (and my whole adult life) I have been thinking about boundaries. I help clients draw boundaries every day in session. There are so many ways to do this. Some of my clients are not clear about what a boundary is. Sometimes a boundary is internal. I think we all have to say "no" to the voices in our heads. I hope we can do this in a kind loving way. I think if Carly Simon was my client we could have explored her anger about being “chosen” over Joni. Maybe we could dig into the gratitude she had for the amount of fame she did have? Maybe there was fear of not being as successful as she had hoped. Ms. Simon had her reasons as we all do to sing a tale about hurt feelings. However, I wonder, how long is too long to keep focusing on these wounds? I have found it takes years in therapy to allow these wounds to subside, depending on how deep the hurt. The unresolved pain can certainly turn into anger. And as it is said anger is one letter short of danger.   

Where does it get any of us when you keep talking about other people in therapy? It depends on how you do it, and for how long. Yes, I want to hear your story. I know the deep longing feelings of wanting my story to be heard! But-and...to what end? I hope if you have a skilled therapist they will turn you back toward yourself and help you see your part in the story. What can "we" do? What can we change and what must we work toward letting go of? The main thing is I hope over the months and years Carly could let go of this anger, because, so what if someone ELSE is vain? What does it mean to you? That is them, not you. The song is not about you. Look into the mirror without vanity and decide what you can change today. Look up the serenity prayer, write it down and focus on you. You are the only one you have! Write your own song. 

“You walked into the party
 Like you were walking onto a yacht

 Your hat strategically dipped below one eye

Your scarf it was apricot
 You had one eye in the mirror

As you watched yourself gavotte

And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner

They'd be your partner

[Chorus]

You're so vain

You probably think this song is about you

You're so vain

I'll bet you think this song is about you

Don't you? Don't you?”

Thanks for reading and please pass along if you would like.

Bridget

Acceptance

We have five months left of this year! What?! I know I want to milk every ounce of fun and meaning out of 2019. My big trip this year was back to New York City and a visit to Georgia. Quite a cool mirror of the different regions where I have lived my life (north/south). I hope you get some time off this summer too! Here's what I have been thinking in part; how will I grow my business and how can I truly embody this full-time private practice life. I am thinking more about writing. There is a part of me that really wishes I could be a writer. A room of her own and such. Maybe it's listening to Elizabeth Gilbert and seeing her speak earlier this year. She is so dang composed and well-spoken AND

she writes for a living. Could I do that? Could I turn these blogs into something helpful? We shall see but for now, here is a start; a little story from your colleague/therapist/future therapist. I graduated from college with a degree in theatre, education and no job. College had been a deep time of self-exploration. I went to work at a bar in my small home town. It was clear to me quickly that I needed to figure out the next step sooner rather than later. When the call came to see if I wanted to share a house with two guys I knew and one I did not, far away in New York City I jumped. My parents are pretty cool after all! They did not have to support that decision and the fact that they did is pretty amazing thinking back on that all these years later. It was a dream come true to live in New York, Brooklyn specifically! I worked hard, took acting classes and performed in a few plays. The most important thing I learned is that I am independent and/but I have always had help, always. I have the privilege of growing up in a safe town, with enough food, enough to eat, a loving family. I struggled in school growing up, I struggled to write and I struggled to communicate and still, I found my path. I wrote my first monologue. Then I wrote a short one-woman show and I went on to perform with a dance theatre troop. I would never trade the things I got to do for any other path.

My daughter asked me recently what is one mistake that I would change. Honestly, I could not land on one. I wish I would not have hurt people that I have hurt (inadvertently). I wish I would have stood up for folks that were discriminated against where I grew up. When it gets down to the end of the moments, in taking the inventory, there is not one choice that I regret fully enough to change. Why do I share this "accept everything happens for a reason" message today? I truly think my own therapy has helped me come to terms with this belief and hold onto this truth (most days). Therapy still IS helping me come to terms with this fact of life. Every mistake, every moment is an opportunity to learn. When you come to therapy with me you will see that I tackle your problems with the same philosophy with which I tackle my own life. I believe we are here to learn, to be in relationships. I believe we have inherent good in us. Though I did not end up being an actor, I can help you process emotions, which is the deep work actors engage in. I hope you will reach out if you need a group, a day-long workshop at your office, or a therapy session for you or someone in your counseling practice. I don't see couples so if you have folks who need that extra support in addition to couples therapy let me know. I really enjoy helping people in transition. I can also support folks with parenting. Check out my last blog about expressive arts. I am available for sessions in my home office on Monday and Tuesday afternoons. I am in the office Tuesday AM, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday's. Let's find some time to connect/reconnect.

Thanks for reading.

Warmly,

Bridget

Pacific Healing and Creating Calm

One blog - One group
 


Swimming in the Pacific


The Pacific Ocean is something that has risen to the status of passion for me.  This interest started about four years ago.  It emerged after a considerable effort toward getting back to a regular work out routine “post-baby".  She might have been 6 by then, but who's counting?  Reconnecting to the long-ago athlete I knew lived somewhere deep inside me was quite a process.  I’ve never written about being an active, athletic person here and I fear doing so may give you the impression that I am trying to be your personal trainer, which I’m not. 


What I am is a counselor/therapist, and soon to be certified Person-Centered Expressive Arts Facilitator.  I believe in the mind/body connection and all of the ideas I share here on this blog try to support this personal truth. If we tap into our minds and our bodies we will heal what has troubled us and we work toward a deeper understanding of ourselves.  I have just completed my fourth week of intensive training toward a certificate in Person-Centered Expressive Arts and I feel more empowered than ever to share this little part of how I stay motivated in life.

A few weeks before I headed back to this fourth expressive arts training I swam through the San Francisco Bay. Under the Golden Gate Bridge to be exact.  I’ve come to realize that finding a passion in “mid-life” is vital to mental health and well being.  If you have been in the self-help/psychology world you may be acquainted with Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development.  Those of us who find ourselves on the other side of forty are in the midst of Erikson’s 7th stage: generativity versus stagnation. Let's not stagnate!  I love this stage so deeply because it's very existential.  One of my many orientations in working with clients is humanistic existentialism.  

I find my passion for life in many places, one of them is through weekly exercise.  I am sure many of you can connect?  I would love to hear your story too!  I wonder if you too need a goal, an event to keep you motivated?  Or maybe it's just an "accountability partner"?  I have clients who make working out a regular part of life by involving another friend or even their kids.  I imagine for you, like me at times it's not been an easy road to get the passion for life (including exercise) going.  Whether it be with exercise or other types of enlivenment.  It can feel like an uphill battle.  Research tells us that exercise is intrinsically related to mental health (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1424736/pdf/pubhealthrep00100-0085.pdf).  If we know this is true, then why do so many of us have a hard time sticking to an exercise regimen?  For me personally, it comes back to passion.  I have a passion for water, a passion for being active and a renewed passion for art!

I was immersed in water from six weeks of age on. Water is a part of who I am. When surrounded by water, I felt at home.  Whether it’s chlorine in a pool or salt in the ocean, the water calms me.  You can let so much go when you are at the beach!  Even dipping your toes in our cold Pacific ocean might be healing for you?  The warm air and the cool water of the Pacific frees me of my worries.  The cold Pacific, particularly this last jaunt under the Golden Gate bridge was a huge adventure.  I felt twinges of anxiety.  I met new people.  I had to ask for support, someone to have that towel ready!  I trained alone because I have not found too many people who want to join me, weird!?  Though I reach out to many of those who work out on a regular basis and I find support there.  

I am not at all suggesting you need to swim under the Golden Gate bridge but what is your next adventure?  What is your next physical health goal?  How about your mental health goals?  Create your own study and see, how you feel now, how will you feel after four weeks of moderate exercise four to five times per week?  

It does not take as much time or effort as you think if you have some background in committed exercise/activity.  Hey, parking at the back of the grocery store parking lot counts!  Even if you have no history of working out call me for an appointment and we can talk about your goals around fitness and mental health.  

Here are some blogs and podcasts that have inspired me back into physical activity:  zenhabits.com with Leo Babauta and the Rich Roll podcast (www.richroll.com). Lastly, this amazing story is about Kim Chambers, @kimswims on Instagram and https://www.kimswims.com


Copyright © 2018 Bridget Bertrand